Excerpts from Welcoming Remarks at the
98th Annual Davis Chamber of Commerce Installation
(Welcoming remarks by Yolo County Supervisor Dave Rosenberg,
who served as Master of Ceremonies for the Installation, January 25, 2003)
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the 98th Annual rendition of the Davis Chamber of Commerce Installation. I'm Dave Rosenberg, your MC for the evening. And no, MC is not shorthand for Master Craftsman. Nor is it shorthand for Making Chatter. My sole goal tonight - as it should be the goal of every MC - will be efficiency. Moving things along smartly. Frankly, I was amazed and delighted when I received the script and program from your new CEO, Sherry Richter. Everything is laid out with Prussian efficiency. 8.2 minutes for the introductions, 9.7 minutes for the Citizen of the Year and the Brinley Awards, that sort of thing. I love it.Sherry made only one mistake. She gave me 16.5 minutes to start things off. (Wait for audience groans to subside.)
But don't be alarmed. As we start our dinner, I intend to use only a small portion of my allotted time. (Pause for applause.)
In fact, I just want to use my brief introductory comments at this Chamber Installation to say a kind word about your outgoing Chairman and your incoming Chairman.
As to outgoing Chairman Dennis Lindsay, I think we can all agree that we owe great debt of thanks to this Chair who has presided so capably during his term of office. You know Dennis is part Irish and the Irish believe that a leprechaun kisses each baby when it is born. If the kiss is on the brow, then the child is destined to be an intellectual. If on the eyes, a great beauty. If on the fingers, a great artist. Now, I am not in a position to tell you where the leprechaun kissed Dennis Lindsay, but you will have to admit that he made a wonderful Chair.
Now, if I may, a word for our incoming Chairman Blaine Juchau. You all know Mr. Juneau. The name Blaine Jungfrau is revered in this town. In Davis, Blaine Juggernaut is almost a household name, in fact. And, I want to give Mr. Jakarta a word of advice as he embarks on his chairmanship.
Blaine Jamboree: There will be tough days ahead. You will have days when you just want to say "take this job and shove it." But don't do that, Mr. Jambalaya. No, instead, after the toughest day at the Chamber, I want you to do the following: On your way home after work, stop at Rite Aid or one of our Long's Drugs and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Q-Tip." Be very sure that you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you won't be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed.
Open the package containing the thermometer and remove the thermometer and carefully - carefully - place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer and as you read it you will notice in small print the statement that "every rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip is personally tested."
Now, Blaine Jalousie, close your eyes and say out loud 5 times: "I'm so glad that I don't work in quality control at the Q-Tip Company."
The job won't seem so bad anymore, Blaine.